In 1985 my 20 year marriage ended in an amiable divorce and I moved from Wisconsin to California with my three children. After many years of being a single mom, I decided that it was time for me to have a man in my life. Since I was “spiritually inclined” I decided that I would put my metaphysical principles to work and manifest the “perfect” man.
Every day for 20 minutes I went into my “manifesting workshop” with pad and pen and started making a list of everything I wanted in a relationship: an intelligent man who is on a conscious spiritual path, a truthful man who is willing to grow along with me, a man who will work alongside me and be the “wind under my wings,” a man who is fun and comfortable to be around, a man who listens—really listens, a man who is wise and understanding, a man who is compassionate, caring and nurturing. I desired a relationship with a man who loves to travel and meet exciting and interesting people. I desired a relationship where we shared mutual appreciation and respect for one another.
During the day I gathered “data” by observing other couples and making mental notes about how they interacted and what appealed to me. Then I would add to and refine my list.
After about three weeks wonderful men started showing up in my life. They met almost all my “requirements,” however, every one of them was gay. When this observation hit home, I knew it was time to once again refine my list. I added that the man I wanted to attract had to be heterosexual. After that addition to the list young men in their 20s and 30s started showing up in my life. They were all wonderful and matched the criteria I had listed, but I didn’t feel that we had a mutual history we could share. That prompted me to make yet another refinement to my list: “I want to attract a man my age.” That was the final entry I made on my list.
Three days later I was at a monthly networking breakfast I regularly attended. We each had an opportunity to introduce ourselves to the group and tell something about our work. A man who was new the group introduced himself as Victor Grey. He was a hypnotherapist and had recently moved to California from Connecticut. He was looking for a place to do his work. I told him about the healing center I directed and invited him to take a tour. We made an appointment for the next day. He loved the center and decided to join the staff.
As was my custom, I always invited new staff members to come as a guest to one of my weekly Lighten Up workshops — I didn’t want anyone on my staff who didn’t love themselves! My next workshop was in a couple of days and Victor attended. After the workshop he told me how much he had loved the workshop and asked if he could repay my kindness by letting him paint my portrait (among his many talents, he is also an accomplished artist). I was thrilled to accept. We made an appointment to meet at the Center on the following day.
After he finished my portrait we spent a couple of hours talking and sharing life experiences. During the course of the conversation he just happened to mention that he was 50. I said, “Oh, you’re my age.” As soon as those words came out of my mouth a thought that had not occurred to me before immediately jumped into my consciousness: “I wonder if this is the guy?”
The next day I left for Wisconsin for three weeks. All the while I was gone I kept wondering if Victor was “the guy.” When I returned, I called him to see how he was doing at the Center. He said he loved it and then he suggested that we get together sometime. I told him that I was having an out-of-town guest over for dinner the next evening and asked if he would like to join us. He accepted. The three of us had a great evening and when my guest retired for the evening, Victor and I stayed up and talked until 3 AM. Three weeks later he moved in with me.
Carol & Victor at Reunion Center (2005)
Victor fulfilled every “requirement” on my list and more. He is spiritual, intelligent, caring, nurturing, kind and compassionate. He appreciates, honors and respects me, as I do him. He is my age!
After we had been together for a few months, Victor shared with me what he had been going through before we met. He had been in California for almost a year and was feeling lost and alone. His hypnotherapy practice was not taking off and he was actually considering moving back to Connecticut. One day he went for a walk in the redwoods and during that walk he visualized his life as a big ball in his hands. He held out the ball and offered it to Spirit, saying, “Here, you take it, it’s Yours. Do with it what You will.” The next day he decided to attend a networking breakfast someone had told him about and that is where he met me!
Victor began teaching Lighten Up workshops with me and we travelled around the country meeting interesting people and sharing our spiritual gifts. Together we developed a new workshop called Free Yourself from Fear. We started a publishing company and produced several books, CDs and other products. We bring Spirit into our relationship every day by meditating together each morning. We both believe that our conscious relationship has blossomed into a co-creative relationship because of our commitment to Spirit.
On the fifth anniversary of being together we were married in a private ceremony performed at the retreat home of a husband and wife team of Unity ministers who had become dear friends. This year marks our 19th year together!
We truly believe that our relationship was orchestrated by Spirit and each day we express our gratitude for the life we share together.
Carol & Victor - Feb. 14, 2012
Carol Hansen Grey is a visionary catalyst and social activist whose passion is to help people love and empower themselves. 
